Mom’s Write: Get Rid of the Guilt Trip

Every mom I know has packed for a guilt trip. You know the kind that needs a gigantic suitcase where you can stuff major mom confessions:

“I let my kids watch TV last night instead of encouraging them to do something constructive.” 

“I let my kids eat french fries instead of giving them fruit.”

“I worked while they ate french fries and watched TV.” 

We shove the confessions in there and carry them around. Those confessions are like little devils whispering in our ears. It’s time to drop off your bag somewhere else.

I wrote about getting rid of the domestic diva mentality a few weeks ago and I think the guilt trip is closely related. For some reason, we feel guilty about a number of things. Even if we shouldn’t. Guilt sucks at our motherly souls and tugs at our heart strings. Those times we have to spend without our kids makes us feel guilty. It can be especially paralyzing if we spend a lot of time at work then want to write. Somehow, we feel guilty about writing and that is often the thing that gets ousted from the schedule.

In her book LEAN IN, Sheryl Sandberg talks about being a working mother and says:

“Guilt management can be just as important as time management for mothers.” 

So how does one manage the guilt? I propose a change in thinking. No one else can free you from self-inflicted guilt.

Ask yourself: what are you most passionate about? Of your personal pursuits, what makes you the happiest?

Chances are, if you are pursuing your dreams, you are better wife, mother, and friend.

Last year I heard Kathryn Erksine, author of MOCKINGBIRD and winner of the National Book Award, speak at the Mid-Atlantic SCBWI conference. She said, “Free yourself from the guilt that you are taking time away from your family and friends. They want you to be happy and this is what it takes for you to be happy.” She also said it is good for children to see their parent going after her dreams.

In my “Making Time to Write” posts, I write about my schedule. Sometimes it does mean making sacrifices of sleep or giving up other activities to make time to write. But I try not to feel guilty about it.

Unpack the bags you have packed for your guilt trip and start writing.